After anywhere from 18 years to multiple decades of raising children, it’s no wonder “Empty Nest Syndrome” is so common and can hit so hard. Many parents - especially mothers - struggle with the sadness of watching their last or only child grow up and fly from the nest; and many may struggle with something of an identity crisis as well. Nobody in the house calls you mom anymore, and after years of hearing that name on repeat, that can be a tough pill to swallow. The focus of becoming an empty nester can often be on what you are losing, but this season can actually be a great opportunity to set your sights on all that you might gain in this next phase of your life.
As with most hard things in life, preparation can make all the difference. Here are some tips for preparing to become an empty nester:
Learn to dream again. I recommend dedicating an afternoon or even a whole weekend away to learn to dream again. Watch YouTube videos to gain inspiration, write in your journal, just sit and think, and get back in touch with the part of you that used to dream about the future.
Set goals and take action. Envision your life - what you want to do and who you want to be in the next 5, 10, 15+ years and write down what it would take to achieve those goals. This could mean going back to school, applying for a new job, throwing yourself into grandmotherhood, or taking up a new hobby. Once you have written out what is needed to achieve those goals, take the necessary steps. Submit the job application, sign up for the pottery class, and research the schools you’d like to attend. Pursuing something new that excites you can be a healthy change from wallowing in sadness about the void you are anticipating.
Reconnect with your spouse. It is all too easy to get so caught up in life as a mom that we begin neglecting our role as a wife. Multiply that by a lot of years, and you may find that your marriage is in serious need of attention. Be intentional about rekindling your friendship and romance with your spouse, and you will both reap dividends.
Support your adult children. Taking care not to be an overbearing mom, offer your help and support to your adult children in such a way that they feel particularly loved and supported. Some young adult children need to feel free to fly, and helicopter momming merely induces anxiety for them and you. Other young adults prefer a little more guidance and may need to feel like you are just as accessible to them.
Travel. Plan some trips that you have been dreaming of and go see parts of the country or world that you haven’t had the chance to before. This can be a wonderful time of finally getting to do something you couldn’t while raising children, and it’s also a great chance to bond with your spouse or a friend you may take as a traveling buddy. Traveling can also help ease you into your new life by providing a buffer of experiences so you don’t feel such a stark contrast of home dynamics before your child moves out and afterwards.
Invest in your friendships and community. Go out to coffee with friends, bring meals to new moms, host people in your home, and volunteer for community outreach events. There are so many great ways to engage with and support the people around you - take advantage of the extra time you now have to do so. Who knows the kind of impact you could have!
Learn from others. Read books, listen to podcasts, and talk to those who have gone before you. Learn from other mothers who have already gone through the empty nesting process and ask for any encouragement or advice they might have for you. Learn from their mistakes as well as from what they did well. This is a well-traveled road, and you don’t have to walk it alone.
Schedule a photoshoot for yourself! That’s right, not your kids or your whole family this time, just you! You deserve to be celebrated and pampered and to own the beauty of your inner spirit and your physical body. Reach out to me and let’s chat about a portrait session for you in the Fort Worth, TX area! A One-Of-A-Kind Session To Empower One-Of-A-Kind Women!
Know that, as with all life transitions, this is a time of adjustment and you will find a new normal. The feelings of sadness will fade as you find a new groove and enjoy a new kind of relationship with your adult children. Look to the future with hope and anticipation of all the wonderful things it might hold, and know that no matter what, you will always be mom to your babies.
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